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Designing A Life – An Introduction to Section III

To become wise we must will

to undergo certain experiences,

and accordingly leap into their jaws.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Feeling lost feels horrible. You wake up in the morning and stare at the ceiling – a view as boring as your life. You dig down, find your willpower and use it to crow-bar yourself out of bed. How sustainable is a life when your first cup of coffee in the morning is the highlight of your day? I can tell you one thing – if this situation reflects to any degree what you are experiencing, you are likely convinced that it is your fault. You probably look back on your life to date and conclude that there is something wrong with you.

There isn’t anything wrong with you. To the extent your life feels stagnated or unimpressive, the blame must be placed on the world around you. Your specific upbringing, the pervasively noxious patriarchy and Fate all combine to shroud your best self from your self. And in addition to doing their best to confuse you, these three unhelpful realities are also consistently placing the blame on you. Shame is their weapon of choice. Our assignment in this section, therefore, has two components: To first continue the efforts from Section I to convince you that your life struggles aren’t your fault; and then help you reconnect with your self. That self is fully capable of designing a life that will pop you out of bed and into an impressive day.

So, if your life feels like it is at a standstill, could you humor me for a moment and imagine that there may be roadblocks hampering your forward progress rather than assume there is something off about your character?

Whose fault is it?

Here’s a pop quiz for you: Can you think about someone you like and then imagine telling them that they are stupid, childish, boring, cowardly or unlovable? How about the catchall term “lazy?” I’m guessing your answer is “No.” But how often do you imply inside yourself that some or all of these words apply to you? If these indicting words show up at all in your self-talk, you will need to correct these misperceptions. The best way to do that is to uncover how these indictments got established in the first place.

Even the most benign childhoods inflict horrible labels on kids. Even if adults try to use the euphemistic phrase “your behavior” when they correct us, we hear “You are childish.” rather than “Your behavior is childish.” The first article in this section, Why We Don’t Like Ourselves, explores these words which I consider to be the complete list of awful, words that the adults in our childhood used when they wanted to shape our behavior to their liking.

Here’s another question: How often do you struggle with guilty feelings because a vice has been creeping into your life? Do you call yourself out for any hint of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy or sloth? These are the words that the patriarchal culture uses to systematically shame our attempts to be us. The truth here, as explored in the next article, The Seven Deadly Sins, is that these quite human characteristics are only problematic when unruly. Once we tame them into working with us, they actually turn out to be quite helpful.

My very great hope is that, once you’ve read the first two articles in Section III, you will begin to believe that it’s not your fault if you are finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning.

Existential strategies

And my last question is this: What happens inside of you when you hear the word “existentialism?” If you’re like most people, that word evokes some level of embarrassment. We sort of know what it means and we kinda know we should know more about it, but, outside college intro-to-philosophy environs, few of us get any helpful exposure to it. Our intuitive side, however, absorbs plenty of the angsty side of existentialism. Many coming of age novels, for example, drag us through this gnarly terrain, but all that does is shame us if our personal journey lacks a certain heroic flavor. I am wandering through this stark philosophical reality in an attempt to beguile you into believing two huge existential truths: designing a life is the fundamental project of every human and that humongous task is made much more difficult when we are naïve to how to go about it.

Enter the next two articles in this section.

The article entitled “Mad Scientists” expands on Sartre’s existential concept of our fundamental project by exploring strategies that can start the design process. The article “Will and Will to Power” takes you right into the heart of existentialism with a fairly granular look at how one goes about creating the blueprint for a life that delights you.

If you’re reading this website…

If you’re reading this website, chances are very good that you are a thoughtful, earnest person who takes life seriously. There is also a very good chance that you are a polymath. While that may sound like good news, in the continuing theme of “not at this time with your upbringing and in this patriarchal culture,” the article called “Jack and Jill of All Trades” zeroes in on many of the difficulties of being a multifaceted individual. It is my firm belief that every misperception we have about how we see ourselves and our gifts will exacerbate the difficulties of designing a potent life. While difficult to read, this article should help you put many of your struggles into perspective.

The world of work

Although we are tasked with designing a life across all the domains humans find important – interpersonal, spiritual, recreational, financial and so on – one of the most important is our professional domain. No matter the environment of our work (home, office, shop, field) or the salary (zillions or nothing), there is nothing more quintessentially human than finding something to do with our days that makes our hearts and minds sing. The remaining articles in this section focus on helping you assess your world of work – either with a tweak in mind or a wholesale reconstruction. The section ends with an ode to the ultimate human experience – mastery of our gifts.

There’s no doubt that Section III is the most difficult one to get through, but what’s on the other side of that effort is truly miraculous – a passionate life that allows you to engage your will to power to both delight you and to contribute to the good of all. In other words, will to power can guide you up toward peak experiences where you were designed to live. To use Nietzsche’s words, will to power represents the “instinct of freedom” – a marvelous natural desire to tap into.

Time to “rise and shine!”