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Why is positive feedback an integral part of a healthy relationship?

Sincere and concrete positive feedback is one important way someone can confirm that you matter and why you matter. Early on in any relationship we find it easy to flood the other person with attempts to prove how delightful they are to us. But it is also easy to quit doing that over time. If we are not giving the other person current feedback about how he or she is delightful to us, how can that person trust that she or he still matters? A compliment says: "I am seeing you and appreciating you right now in this specific way that I value." That information goes a long way toward reassuring us that we are still being chosen.

What do you do if someone solicits a compliment but you don't actually feel positive about what they are asking about?

Six parts to this answer: 1) Hopefully you have established a healthy relationship with this person with your consistent 5:1 ratio of positivity. 2) If so, you can gently let them know that this particular instance is on the "1" side of the 5:1 divide. 3) In that process you will also want to remind them that yours is only one opinion and that they can check with others for additional input. 4) If the relationship is not currently strong, it might be more helpful to check with the person to determine why they need this feedback at this time. You are more likely to be able to give positive feedback to that secondary need. (e.g. I don't think you need to worry whether or not your outfit is perfect, everyone just wants to see you back at work after your illness.) 5) Then recommit to getting the relationship back in balance with lots of authentic positive feedback. 6) Just don't tell them you like something when you don't.