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I would say it's often kinder and probably more effective to try to speak with a person privately when you are going to assert yourself. Not only does privacy avoid social awkwardness that may evoke self-protectiveness in the person you're trying to reach, but it also minimizes distractions that can derail a negotiation process. Having said that, however, sometimes social pressure can reinforce the request you are making. What you have to weigh when deciding whether or not to pull someone aside is kindness versus the need for social reinforcement. One more point is this: when we assert well and publicly, we are modeling mature behavior that others can see and imitate. As I mentioned in the article, I support this behavior because I firmly believe that the world could use a lot more careful assertiveness.
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